Over the years, we set various goals for ourselves. And chase them for which we find our own different ways, good or bad. Like everybody else, I am finding my own too. But I fear that in the process of hunting my aims, I might end up losing my innocence. Which, I think I am already, worsening my own self. I miss my true self. It still exists, but it has hidden behind veils of pretence and diplomacy. And it’s commendable to see how pretence comes naturally to me now. I have learnt to fake a bright smile in public on a gloomy day (gloomier the day, brighter the smile). It’s easy for me as I any way have a smiling face, and I like to smile. There are true smiles too, often. But only the friends can tell the difference. Honestly, I love smiling but it irritates my wits when I have to fake one for the people I literally hate.
Sometimes, I reminisce and wonder where I have lost that time… Those innocent thoughts, those simple ways of living, those selfless emotions, those clear thoughts, those undiplomatic interactions, those blunt talks, fearless expressions of emotions, no worries about being judged. Gosh! I miss all that!! I wonder if some day my loved ones will mistake my love for deception. Behind the covers, there is an optimistic soul and a true heart. I am harmless. I might use tactful acts as means to righteous ends, but would never use them to hurt my kith and kin.
I am a believer and I know this is exactly how I was meant to be. It doesn’t upset me anymore. In fact, I feel successful as I see myself adapting to the various phases of life. I still hope to re-live those carefree days of my life. So here I surrender my lost innocence in hope of re-liberation of the sanctity.